Last night I went to my fiancée's office Christmas night out at the Comedy Store in London.
I hate London, but I'd already agreed to go. I had to leave work an hour early to get on the rammed train to Waterloo, then put up with the awful tube system. It's unbelievable how a transport system has been designed to make people feel completely oppressed.
I hate the stupid signs on the escalators telling people to stand on the right (without even a please) just so people with no consideration for others can rush their way onto an already packed platform - just possibly saving themselves a whole three minutes given how regular the tube trains are.
I hate the stupid - oh so clever - adverts all the way down the escalators too.
I hate the fact that nearly every other advert is for some theatre production. It makes it look as though Londoners spend their entire lives taking the tube from one theatre to another.
I hate the fact that once in London for a night out, you're constantly clock watching and never feel totally relaxed because you have to make sure you catch the last train back home.
I hate sitting on a train to London or on a tube, listening to all the arrogant self obsessed locals talking about themselves on their phones or to each other. For some reason, people from London seem to have a different mindset to anyone else in the country, almost like they believe their city is the only place on Earth worth living in (similar to how a lot of Americans believe that they live in the only decent country in the world).
Of course, I'm just making broad generalisations here...
Nevertheless, we arrived at The Comedy Store and had a cracking night. It was an improvisation night in a similar style to "Whose Line is is Anyway" where the audience suggested situations and they acted them out. Such delights as the "Man who polishes blue Smarties with steel wool for the international ninja vigilantes" and the musical about a badger who helped the pixies in their war against the elves.
The only problem with The Comedy Store was the mediocre food (and no tables to eat it off) and the extortionate drinks prices. £3.40 for a pint is just silly. Thankfully, I wasn't paying for it...
Overall a great night.
Londoners believe that going North of the Watford Gap is akin to going to Mordor via the Moon. I've heard them say thinks like "I was a bit scared going North at first, but once I saw a Tesco I knew I was alright".
We should take them down a peg or two; fly some planes into their buildings ;-)
What they should do to the adverts on the long escalators is angle them so they lie parrallel to the escalator and viola! an optical illusion, people being sick
The 'Stand Right' signs are there for tourists (as are the ads for theatre) and Northerners who don't know the etiquette
Etiquette? I think the word "please" might feature on the signs if they were related to etiquette. All they actually do is encourage people to rush even more and reinforce the belief that the rushers on the left are more important than the polite people who are going at the escalator's pace.
Also, I think they're the only escalators I've ever seen where running up and down them appears to be encouraged. Perhaps on the positive side it is a small victory against the Health and Safety regulations taking over the country.
I hated London. It's part of the reason that the 2 year stint in the U.K. was so painful for me. Moving out of London was the best thing we could have done. It's one of those places where you can be surrounded by so many people and yet feel incredibly alone. I also hated the tube. I hated the constant 'buzz' - a sound that I could always hear, almost regardless of where I was if I was somewhere inside the M25 orbital. The entire place was the noisiest place I've ever lived in. I don't miss it :)
I think a 'please' would be nice on the signs, but I can't see how saying 'stand to the right' encourage running up and down. I for one have had to deal with peak hour in London on a regular basis, and trust me, sometimes running is all you have! If you work in London and you live outside of London, chances are that the tube is going to make your life hell. I lost count of the amount of times the tube was delayed, and I was forced to run through the stations to try and catch the country train out to where I lived in Haslemere. What would happen if I don't run? I end up waiting on the platform for another 30 minutes for the next damned train to leave. That is not my idea of fun. Signs that say "stand to the right" are signs that help me when I'm in situations like that as it gets the idiots out of my way so that I can get to my train on time.
I don't agree with your point that it encourages running and rushing. It encourages people to think about others, and to get out of the bloody way! I do however agree with the opressed feeling while using the public transport, and that doesn't just go for the tube, that includes the buses too.
I reckon this post should be renamed to "I Hate London" :)
Good point. I originally set out to write about the trip to the comedy store, but kinda got sidetracked into ranting about the tube...
I'm late replying, but i just have to say- I LOVE LONDON, and I really hated Guildford! I still miss London, now that I'm living out here in relaxed Finland. Oh, and i lived in a quiet part of London (Putney, after first living in West Kensington which was a bit noisy), so when i moved to central Guildford i actually couldn't sleep for the constant noise of police cars! Which says a lot about Guildford....
While I agree with most of your points, there are so many positive things that override all of them! There were only a few things i disliked in London, namely the high rent prices, but Guildford had almost identical prices!
I'm not sure exactly why i loved London so much, but i'll try to explain. I grew up in a tiny town, where everyone knew everyone's name, and who your Mum was etc. The sheer anonymity i got from being in the crowd of millions in London- was a pleasure! I love living in busy cities, and London is the biggest and busiest there is!
London is practically the centre of the world when it comes to fashion/music/art/design etc! Just wonderful, heavenly, and don't give me any arguments about New York/Paris etc. California has led the world with a lot of social trends- such as skateboarding for example, and Tokyo is THE place for trainer/sneaker fashion, but London absolutely rules in every other sense. Where else could i go sit in a cafe drinking coffee, sobering up at 4am one weekday? Where else can you be in a pub, dancing away, then notice the DJ 2 feet away from you is actually the guy from Basement Jaxx?! Where else can you get a bus home anywhere, at anytime for £1?! (stop clock watching Keef, its all fine if you live in London!). Where else can you live 20seconds walk from the pub that The Rolling Stones, and U2 first played in and made a name for themselves (yeah, they had to come to Putney to get famous!)? Where else can you be part of a free community art gallery exhibition on the future of car design... These things actually happened to me!
I read that there are so many pubs and bars in London, that you could go to a different one every day, and almost never run out of new ones in your lifetime!
Sadly Keef mate, all the things you listed are there for "tourists", which also translates as "people who don't live in London"! Once you start to learn the tube, you begin to appreciate its foibles like an old friend- it's flaws give it PERSONALITY! I actually got to learn a specific "bump" in the track a few stops after putney bridge station, and was amused to see people who don't regularly use that line get knocked off their feet. That feeling of nothing existing outside London quickly takes you over, a girl where i worked who was born in Notting Hill told me she'd almost NEVER been outside central London in her life, except one very short trip to Leicester i think. I asked her if she liked it, she said "No, it was rubbish". I also asked if she ever thought about visiting somewhere else, and she simply replied, "Why would i want to do that? London has everything." Amazing... but true.
But that's exactly my point about London. It's so insular and separate from the rest of the UK, it's like the US compared with the rest of the world.